A Visitor from the Past
by cajaindiastracey
Summary: An unwelcome shadow from his past is hanging over Henrik and it's up to Sahira to find out what it is before it takes him down the road of no return… a joint story with MissLibbyxx
1. Chapter 1

"Sir Can you hear me?" asked Sahira frantically. This was her third trauma call of the day and by this point she was feeling both physically and mentally drained. She darted in and out of the C.T.U equipment that was now strewn halfway across the road and begun to lose herself in thoughts of what exactly may have caused this man to roll his car five times across the motorway and not least how his had survived the collision.

"Sahira," she vaguely heard Greg Douglas mutter from behind her, "you realise that if we don't get Mr. no name back to Holby he will bleed out soon, don't you?"

"Yes thank you Mr. Douglas," she snapped back whist doing her best to get a line into the patient's wrist. "I also went on that course you know." She had been on this case with Greg for only ten minutes and already he was getting on her nerves. It wasn't that she disliked Greg but she just never particularly liked him. He always seemed to get in the way whenever she tried to work with Henrik and his snide remarks about him got to her too. Therefore she told him to stay put and oversee the rest of the patients getting back to the hospital. After what seemed like an eternity she was on her way back to Holby. "Call ahead will you and tell Mr. Hanssen that I have a trauma case and that I need a G.S view. Also will you please tell him our E.T.A." for a reason unbeknown to her, Henrik had always made her feel calm, no matter what was wrong. It was for this reason that she took up the opportunity to work with him whenever possible. She'd known him for about sixteen years now and he was her closest friend and she suspected that she was his too. She knew that whatever happened he would be there for her and at times he was the only one who was.

For the second time in less than an hour her thoughts were interrupted this time by the opening of the ambulance doors and the confirmation that they had now arrived back to the hospital. As she took the patient up in the lift towards Darwin ward, she wondered exactly what she had to go on. Did she know the patients name…? No. Did she know their nationality…? No. she didn't even really know what was wrong although she had some ideas on that matter.

"What's the problem Miss Shah?" came the calm collected voice of Henrik Hanssen from behind her. She took a second to smile to herself before replying.

"Well to be honest Mr Hanssen we haven't got all that much to go on but from a medical point of view it looks like a tear to the pancreas as well as some kind of blockage in the mitral valve." With this she pivoted around to see Henrik disappearing around the corner. "Mr Hanssen," she called after him to no avail. With this she excused herself from the patient and followed after him. As she rounded the corner she heard Ric Griffin stating that he was sorry he couldn't take over the C.T.U case but he too busy on Keller. "Have I done something to offend you Henrik?" She asked. She knew in her heart that there was something more going on but that was currently the only explanation she could think of for him just walking out on her like that without even a backwards glance.

"Now what exactly made you come to that conclusion Miss Shah?" He answered her back quickly. When she really looked closely into his eyes she saw so many emotions. The fact that they had known each other for nearly sixteen years now meant that Sahira knew when he was hiding something from her, as, she suspected, he did for her. Among the multitude of things his mask was hiding there was what looked like an element of fear in his eyes.

"Henrik what's wrong? And for possibly the hundredth time this week will you please call me Sahira. We've known each other long enough and no one else cares who calls what who. Ok?" She asked him looking up to meet his eyes. The more she looked the more he seemed fearful of… something. There was something about the way he was constantly looking around with wide eyes and the way he walked with his shoulders just slightly hunched over which was far from his usual calm and quick witted self.

"Nothing is wrong… Sahira and you've done absolutely nothing wrong. You should know that you could never do anything wrong in my eyes." He stopped short as if realising that he'd said too much, that the last sentence he spoke clearly wasn't really meant to be spoken allowed.

"Then will you tell me please, why you don't want to work on his case with me?" she queried with worry now clearly ebbing into her voice.

"I can't" he replayed simply before striding off in what she assumed to be the direction of his office on the top floor. For a moment Sahira was deliberating whether or not to follow but she decided that it was in her best interests not to. Sometimes, she remembered, it was far better to leave Henrik to think or do whatever else it was that he did in that office all day.

She spun around to check the surgical board for the rest of the day to find that she had a surgery with Henrik at five o'clock. This, she decided was when she would further take up the subject of the unnamed patient and his regret to agree to work with her on the case with her. This was the second time ever in her time of knowing him that he had clammed up like that and looked so lost. Yes, yes, yes he often refused to say any more but this was different somehow. She momentarily remembered the first time such a thing had happened. It had been when he was first mentoring her. The hospital decided that it would be a good idea to have a _getting to know your mentor hour. _ She had been quick to agree that this was a good idea and everything had seemed to be going ok until she asked of his family. He just clammed up and looked so scared that she herself knew full well she had touched a nerve.

"Are you alright?" She heard Chantelle ask in her bubbly voice as she walked past with the dirty linen trolley. "It's just you look a bit… well miffed really." She concluded.

"Urm yes thank you Chantelle I'm fine I'm just a bit… don't worry. She replied and with a beaming smile Chantelle then continued on her way with a simple "ok then." To conclude their brief conversation.

For some reason or another she was scared for him. She was petrified. She also knew that whatever happened she would have to find out what was wrong…


	2. Chapter 2

Henrik firmly closed the door of his office behind him and slumping down in his chair he cast his glasses to one side. His hands were trembling and his breathing was uneven as he fought to keep the fear under control. He thought he had left all of them behind him only to find one of them turn up at his hospital. Sahira's CTU had always caused him trouble but the unit had really excelled itself this time. Now he would have to duck, dive, lie, hide and pretend everything was hunky dory when frankly it was far from it. Worst of all he already had Sahira breathing down his neck. She knew him better than anyone else, all those years, all those 'getting to know your mentor hours', yet she still had never learnt that with him, it was best not to ask. He had already let her in too far. It was one of the things he loved about her, her tenacity, like a dog with a bone, always digging about, always wanting to get to the bottom of things. The problem with that is that sometimes she could dig too far.

Thinking back to the patient on Darwin he scowled. The patient had his hair and though the patient was slightly smaller, and always had been, their body shape was nearly exactly the same. However it was the eyes that defined them. Henrik took pride that his were a soft brown and the patient's were a harsher pale blue. No one could know the connection between them, no one could know of his past.

It was 4:30 when Hanssen and Sahira scrubbed in together. He was unusually silent, his gaze fixed ahead as he washed his hands with much more vigour than he usually did. "Scrub any harder and you'll need a new layer of skin." She joked trying to lighten the atmosphere though it was obvious that there was serious concern in her voice too.

"Hmm?" He said, coming out of his cloud of thoughts. "Oh yes, quite." The attempt at a smile failed, and instead he looked pained and oddly preoccupied. They put on their operating scrubs and made their way over to the table. Sahira always did like Henrik more in theatre than anywhere else. The mask covered most of his face so all that could be seen was those deep brown eyes behind the glasses; they could tell her more than words ever could. It was also the confined space of theatre, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. They stood opposite each other as Henrik made the first incision.

"The CTU patient is still stable but not conscious just yet." She said, trying to cut through the suffocating and uncomfortable silence. She knew that this certainly was not right for Henrik.

"Oh, that's nice." The sarcasm was far fiercer than usual and his eyes shot her a warning look not to continue. She chose to ignore it.

"When he comes round we'll have to operate obviously." Hanssen just ignored her. The one thing Sahira hated was being ignored. She leant down so her face was parallel with his and looked him straight in the eye. "Ok, who is he?"

"Who is who?" The attempt to disguise the importance of the case completely failed.

Sahira sighed, why was he being like this? "You know fine well who." When he just looked at her with his best innocent face he could conjure she came close to losing it. "The CTU patient!" She clarified.

"I've never seen him before." His tone was flat, showing no emotion at all, it scared her a little. Knowing that his actions were hurting her like he feared, he forced himself to relax. "Sahira trust me. You have far too many things to worry about without adding me to that list. I'm a big boy, I can look after myself."

She knew it wasn't the whole truth and was going to chase it up before the bleed alert sounded. "We have a bleed." And that was the end of that matter. Sahira didn't bring it up again, instead waiting for the end of the operation to corner him. The chance never arose. As soon as Hanssen had scrubbed out, he was off down the corridor like he couldn't get away fast enough. Sahira watched him as he walked, his pace was still a walk to look like he was in full control but she noticed it was quicker than usual. Something was wrong, very wrong.

Back on the ward Sahira entered HDU to look in on her CTU patient, he looked like someone she knew but, try though she might, she just couldn't put her finger on it. The man's eyes began to flicker open as he entered the world of the awake. "Var fan är jag?" He murmured wearily.

Sahira was taken a bit off guard by the sudden foreign language. "You were in a car crash and you're in Holby City hospital. Do you understand me?" She asked in her softest bedside manner voice. The patient nodded his head wearily. "Is there anyone we can call?"

"My wife, she should be at home by now." Definitely not British but the accent pointed to a Scandinavian country. "Did my car survive?"

A nurse to the side of Sahira could barely contain her shock; the man seemed more worried about a car than his health. "No I'm afraid it was a pretty bad collision, while we were there it looked a bit of a write-off."

The patient smiled bitterly. "And doctor, tell me am I a write-off?"

"You have a tear in the pancreas that needs fixing and a problem with a valve in your heart. Now our General surgeon consultant Mr Han..." She didn't even get time to finish the name; the thing about patients is they can be bloody rude.

"Where is my wallet?" Patient no name intercepted, looking around him.

"It's been put in a secure storage location. You won't be needing it here, I assure you." She looked at him puzzled.

He confidently returned her look, but smiled caringly. "There are two pictures of my family in it. One of them is of my father, pictures like that can't be replaced." Again Sahira gave him the same confused look. "He died when I was young. Even a grown man misses his father sometimes."

"Oh, I'm sorry." The awkwardness was tangible in the room. "Do you have a name?"

Now it was the patient giving her the confused look. "That is not a question I hear asked often." He laughed. "My name is Kristian, Kristian Hanssen."


	3. Chapter 3

Instantly thoughts begun to race around Sahira's head each and every one of them fighting for dominance. Was this man who she thought or rather assumed he was? Why was he here? But most of all what exactly was it that he did to provoke such a reaction from her boss and long term friend?

She gathered her thoughts and then managed to stutter out the sentence of, "I'm sorry Mr Hanssen but I've got to ask to fill out the required forms, when you first came round you spoke in a foreign language. I gather from this that your nationality isn't English. Can you please tell me what it is?" She asked all the while being careful not to let on that she knew anything out of the ordinary was occurring.

"No your right, I'm originally from Sweden but I moved over here about 6 years ago when my wife's job required us to come here." He replied frankly. To be honest with herself Sahira had no earthly idea where she was going with any of these questions or what she was hoping to achieve by finding out the answers. What really baffled her though was why exactly it was that she cared so much about any of the answers that she got back. All she could think of was finding out was much as she could about this... case if for no other reason than to ensure that whatever it was that may have happened many years ago, never got the chance to reoccur and hurt Henrik yet again as she was sure it would given the chance.

"Ok thank you. Urm you mentioned before that you had a wife and that you lost your father when you were younger, do you have any other family members, any siblings perhaps? It's just that we can't find your records on the system at the moment and we need to know for urm, our notes." She rushed out quickly before she could change her mind as to what she was going to do. Sahira was lying through her teeth by now but the need to know what it was that happened was overpowering. Besides, she thought to herself, she had to certain of her facts before she dared to breach the matter with the great Henrik Hanssen. That much she knew for sure and she also knew from experience she would have to have all her facts exactly in place before she said a thing.

"Sorry but without wishing to sound rude are you quite sure that you need to know this?" This quizzical sentence threw her off guard slightly. After all she knew that she was prying deep into something that she really had no real need to pry into.

"Yes Sir. I'm certain." She slowly and solemnly answered. In one way Sahira half didn't want to know the answer. After all what would she do this information? If this man was in some way related to Henrik, which she highly suspected he was, then she would face a long, difficult and unavoidable conversation with her boss. If she turned out to be wrong then she would be back to square one with the case and she would still end up having to do something or other to find out exactly what was amiss.

A deep sigh interrupted her thoughts. "In that case yes I do. My mother still lives in Sweden and I had a half brother once." He replayed in a toneless manor. There weren't any detectible emotions to be seen or heard either on his face or in his voice.

"What do you mean; you had a half brother once." She queried. "It's just that I- we, sorry, really do need to know."

"If you really must know he chose to board in this country from the age of nine. I only ever saw him when he could be bothered to come home. He was a miserable sod, always moaning about one thing or another. He was despised by the family. My father never told him that though he just…" He trailed off slowly seeming to realise that he'd said too much.

"Just what exactly…" She asked slowly. She hoped against hope that she wouldn't hear the answer that she almost knew was coming.

"I've said enough," was all that he gave her. That last conversation made her blood boil. She had no idea how anybody could say anything like that against someone who, as far as she knew didn't deserve a word of it. Sahira always thought that there was more to Henrik's past than just what he had told her but she never really questioned it.

"Thank you Mr Hanssen." With this she excused herself and dashed off to the one place she could think of. She opted to take the stairs as she knew that that way there would be far less chance of her having to wait ages for the lift or of her accidently bumping onto Jac Naylor, the last thing she needed right now was her criticism and questions.

She stopped short outside Henrik's office door and took a minute to think through exactly what it was she was going to say to him. She always remembered him saying she should consider the consequences of her actions before she went ahead with her plans. She always knew in her heart that he cared too much for her and that he probably always will do and truth be told she cared about him incredibly deeply too. This however was the one matter she had never dared raise with him. His feelings.

She had obviously been standing there for slightly longer that she had thought because from behind her she heard the well polished and well used phrase of, "are you going to allow me to enter my office or am I going to have to beg you to let me past."

"Not now Henrik." Was all she could say before her voice broke and try as she might she couldn't stop the tears that begun to stream down her face. The very thought that someone hated him so much they didn't even care to acknowledge their existence anymore made her so angry and so upset that even he couldn't sooth her.

"Sahira," he said quietly, "you come across as being just a tad bit upset. Shall we take this inside, please?" She nodded slowly and let Henrik guide her gently into his plush office.

After a minuet of her crying and his attempts to comfort her she managed to utter out, "why, why didn't you tell me Henrik? And before you start please will you just tell me the truth, you know what I'm talking about don't you Henrik? Don't you!" she was shouting by now and practically begging him to tell her what was the matter, what he was hiding for her.

"Sahira, you are one of my best registrars and you have two small children to look after. I promise you I can look after myself now, just like I have done pretty much since I was nine years old, ok?" the concern in his voice was easy to hear and as she broke down into another set of sobs that racked her whole body, he came round to her front and leant down slightly to her level. "Look at me Sahira," he told her with the hint of his usual commanding and calm voice. As she looked up to meet his eyes he continued, "I promise you I will be fine. Ok?"

"No!" she surprised him by replying with such force in her words. This was one of the many things that he loved about her; her fiery passion for everything that she did. He had loved her for fifteen years, seven months and two weeks of their sixteen years of knowing each other. He'd never tell her though, not unless he was absolutely sure of his facts. That was one thing that life had taught him… never expecting anything to just work out.


	4. Chapter 4

Sahira still looked at him with pure determination in her eyes. "It is very kind that you worry about me, but I assure you there's no need." In Hanssen's mind there truly was no need. That part of his past was dead and buried and an unwelcome visitor from his past would not change that. "I swear to you that the patient is of no consequence."

It was shocking to Sahira, how his head could be so far up in the clouds. It worried her too, that something could be so painful for him to remember that he chose to erase that part of him altogether. Henrik Hanssen always faced fact and never tried to convince himself that things were different from what they really were. "Right. fine." She begrudgingly conceded. Seemingly defeated she headed towards the door. Just as she was about to open it, a sort of D Day spirit flooded into her, she wouldn't let this die. "The patients name is Kristian Hanssen." His eyes could not hide the flash of fear that the name brought and Sahira knew that things were not as simple as Henrik made them out to be. "He said he's from Sweden. Also that his father died when he was young, that he has a mother left behind in his country," she paused before continuing, wondering if this was actually for the best, "and that he had a half brother once, who came over to board in Britain aged nine." Henrik's face remained emotionless and his body betrayed no feelings, but it was the eyes that gave him away, it was always the eyes. She hated being angry at Henrik, knowing what the man had done for her, but she hated being lied to even more. "Now look me in the eyes and tell me that patient is of no consequence!" She demanded, anger thread through her voice. He looked up at her with guarded eyes, daring her to pry further but when he couldn't even find the words to reply she shook her head in disappointment. "No, I didn't think you could." She then left him standing in the middle of his office and slammed the door behind her.

On Darwin, Kristian was puzzled. The doctor that had attended to him earlier seemed to be particularly nosey. He couldn't think why it mattered if he had any siblings, he was the one in hospital, not his half brother after all, although he doubted if he would know if his half brother was in hospital. For all he knew his half brother could have died years ago, but if the misery guts chose to cut off all communications, what the hell could he do about it?

Outside he overheard another doctor speaking to a nurse. "Has that patient had anyone from GS to see him yet?" The ginger haired doctor asked in a very clipped and annoyed tone as she gestured over to him.

"Not since he came round Miss Naylor." Kristian felt sorry for the poor nurse. She must have been only young and seemed petrified under the doctor's gaze.

The doctor rolled her eyes. "I wonder if Nigella and the hubby have had a little tiff." She remarked sarcastically. "Alright I'll page Mr Hanssen" The doctor seemed a bit put out by having to do it as she walked past him and down the corridor out of sight. Again he was puzzled, he was Mr Hanssen and he severely doubted that the doctor would need to page him. This hospital was strange, very strange indeed.

A couple of minutes later he heard the same doctor's voice again coming back up the corridor. "Thank you Mr Hanssen. I think this patient needs your attention quite quickly. It's a CTU case you see." Kristian turned to look out of the window, his mother had always told him it was rude to eavesdrop, so he attempted to look like he wasn't. "Here he is." Kristian looked back up and his mouth dropped. His eyes were truly deceiving him."Mr Hanssen this is... Sorry I didn't catch your name."

"Kristian." He replied, never taking eyes of the off Henrik.

Henrik returned the stare. "You may leave us now Miss Naylor." Jac looked between the two men, something was up. The atmosphere was similar to a cowboy showdown rather than a hospital. Slightly confused she left them. Henrik advanced into the room, trying to keep an air of professionalism despite the somewhat awkward situation. He was after all a doctor. "What seems to be the problem?"

"I never knew you worked here." Kristian regarded his half brother warily. It had been years, in fact decades since they last spoke to each other, let alone meet face to face. At least it explained the other doctor's interest in his family life.

"Evidently, otherwise you wouldn't be looking at me as if I had just popped out of thin air." Sarcasm had always been Henrik's first line of defence. Some people call sarcasm the lowest form of with but to him it was an art form and a useful tool.

Kristian scoffed, nothing had changed in his half brother. He was still the same infuriating person from all those years ago. "You know you can speak to me in Swedish, or have you completely forgotten your roots?" The insult was obvious, but the two never did see much point in disguising their feelings towards each other.

"I am a qualified English doctor, working in an English hospital, so therefore I shall speak English." His voice was stern, as if talking to some incompetent F1. "If you feel you cannot conduct a conversation in English then I shall call for an interpreter, though you don't seem to have much trouble currently. Either way, I am just here to do my job efficiently." He moved his patient's hands away from his stomach, dispensing with the usual niceties such as asking if he could do so and quickly started pressing down on the stomach. "Tell me if it hurts."

"Fine, have it your way." Kristian rolled his eyes. "We have not heard from you since you were 18! Not a phone call, letter or even just a post card. Mother convinced herself you were dead." It felt strange to Kristian lecturing his older brother – half brother – but sometimes he could act like such a petulant child.

Henrik sighed as he stopped examining the stomach. "Well as you can see I'm very much alive." _Not that you would care_ he tagged on in his head.

"I have children Henrik!" Kristian near enough shouted in exasperation at his half brother. "They used to ask me if they had cousins or an aunty. All I could tell them is that they had an uncle..."

"Half uncle." Henrik coldly interjected.

"Half uncle then, who, for all I knew, could have died." They had both missed so much of the other's life and truth be told it saddened Kristian. He wanted his kids to have known their uncle, he had wanted that typical brother-come-best man speech at his wedding. "I got married and I didn't even know where to send your invite. We didn't know where you'd gone, what had happened to you, if you were ok. Granted we never got on but we were half brothers Henrik, something that seems to mean nothing to you."

That last statement made Henrik see red. How dare he pin this on him? After all, Kristian never had anything to run from. "So this is all my fault is it?" He said, raising his voice, attracting the attention of passersby. Kristian looked at him, knowing fine well it wasn't entirely his half brother's doing. Realising he was seriously close to losing it, Henrik turned to the one place he felt fully in control, medicine. "Now you have a tear in your pancreas and we will operate on you tomorrow. However your stomach does not feel distended but we will send you down for an abdominal CT scan anyway." He said coolly as he signed off the patient's chart. "Until then it may pay you to get some sleep."

Just as he was leaving HDU he turned back round to Kristian. He remembered how Sahira had come to him in hysterics just after he had examined him. Something he had said to her had extremely hurt her. It didn't matter who Kristian was or his connection to him, no one was allowed to hurt Sahira. Turning back into HDU he looked at Kristian with serious and stony eyes. "If I ever find Miss Shah outside my office in tears after examining you again, I will come down on you like a tonne of bricks." Without waiting for a response, Henrik stalked back down to his office.


	5. Chapter 5

It had already seemed to be a very long shift for Henrik but as he continued down the corridor to his office, what he didn't realise was that It had only just begun. For him, seeing Kristian again for the first time in years had stirred many a painful memories from his past, memories of his father, of what he did, of what they all did... to him. He had long since buried all of these thoughts, all of his memories, somewhere deep, deep down inside of him, in a place where they could no longer bother him anymore. Despite all this though, he still felt petrified of anything that might happen and what Sahira might unearth but most of all, he was worried about Sahira. She was really worried about him and he knew that. Again this was one of the many things that he loved about her and that he always would do, no matter what she did. "Henrik, are you ok?" the soft voice of Sahira interrupted his thoughts. He turned around to face her and instantly felt himself relax under her gaze. She always had this effect on him and she was the only one who had really taken the effort to get to know him.

Sahira meanwhile was waiting for an answer with a somewhat worried expression on her face. She'd never seen him anymore preoccupied or worried than he was now. "Urm yes thank you Miss Shah, I'm, I'm fine I'm just a bit…"

"Preoccupied, busy, petrified maybe?" she suggested in a toneless and emotionless manor as if they were merely having a normal, everyday conversation as opposed to one purely consisting of her trying to work out what the hell was going on here between Henrik and his half brother.

"Now Miss Shah, what on earth would give you that idea?" he asked her, apparently not with a clue what she was going on about but she saw that he'd raised his defensive wall up, just a little bit more than he usually would around her. "Look, Sahira I am ok. I promise you. Besides if I actually needed your, or anyone else's help for that matter, I would ask. Understand?" He concluded. And with a curt nod, he began to walk off in the direction of his office.

Before he had the chance to get too far however, she attempted to grasp him by the arm, missing slightly though, resulting in her grapping his hand, just as Jac Naylor came stalking around the corner and very nearly bumped straight into them.

The look on her face said it all but just before she had the chance to say anything too crude though, Sahira intercepted her with, "sorry Miss Naylor, I-we will be back soon and before you start I don't want any more snide remarks about Nigella or Hubby. Ok?" without even waiting for a reply, still with a firm hold of Henrik's hand, she strode off towards his office. She held the silence all the while she was leading Henrik too his office and she still kept hold of his hand despite many of the strange and slightly confused looks he was giving her and his many attempts at trying to pull free of her grasp. She then proceeded to pull him through the AAU ward, much to the surprise of Sacha and Chrissie, and into the waiting lift, along the corridor then into his plush office. With one last look from Henrik she let go of his hand and then turned him around to face her. "Look, Henrik, sorry I-I, anyway will you please just answer my questions or at least listen to me, please. Do I make myself crystal clear?" she asked him, whilst still holding her gaze just a fiercely as he was defending his. This was yet another thing in the long list of things that he loved about her, the way she stood up to him, where no one else would, the way she was so passionate about everything she did, even about him. It was for this reason that he slowly began to nod his head, still marvelling at her passion and the love she showed. "Right then," she started whilst pulling up two chairs so they could at least be equal in some way. "Please will you tell me, and truthfully this time, why Kristian Hanssen, and you know exactly what I mean, has such a – such a – makes you act so- why Kristian Hanssen make you act like this. And please Henrik, don't tell me not to worry because I already am and don't tell me it's nothing either because I'm neither that naïve nor that stupid to believe you. You should know I only worry because I care about- about you." She concluded with a smile. "So, tell me, please why does he affect you like this?"

These questions had taken him by surprise and he knew that he probably shouldn't answer them, for his own good, but despite all this, he couldn't lie to her for any longer. "He's my half brother and I- he because…" he trailed off slowly whilst staring out of the window, looking dazed and slightly lost.

"Because… what, Henrik" she pressed. "You don't have to hide yourself from me." She said softly. She was worried about him, and she knew that her shouting at him wouldn't help this situation in the slightest.

As she looked at him, she saw a single tear roll slowly down his cheek as he remembered his childhood. She put a reassuring hand on his shoulder as he continued, "when, when I was a child, after, after my mother... my father, well, he, blamed me for her death and so he…" Henrik trailed off once more and Sahira knew that there was so much more to this that met the eye. She continued to try and sooth him by slowly rubbing her hand up and down his arm and shooting as many comforting looks in his direction as she could muster.

"What did he do Henrik?" She asked him softly. She knew he hadn't had the best childhood in the world, at least she had assumed so, but he had never really opened up to her fully, in the past he had only told her small parts of the fuller picture and all she could do was piece what little information she had together like a jigsaw puzzle except, she only had half of the pieces to work with. "You can tell me, you know it won't change anything."

"He used to drink, too much and then when he, when he was drunk he used to, he used to abuse me." He said quietly, whist avoiding eye contact with Sahira at all costs. He knew that he could have told her sooner, more about himself that is, but if he didn't tell anyone, if no one knew then he could almost kid himself that it hadn't ever actually happened.

"It's ok," Sahira said softly, seemingly seeing straight into his thoughts, "I'm here for you now." With this she put her arms around his skinny frame and pulled him into a tight embrace, and despite his original protests he soon gave in and hugged her back. Despite neither speaking both were thinking the same thing… this was the start of something big.


	6. Chapter 6

The pair jumped as her ringtone suddenly cut through the silence. Sahira sighed deeply and reluctantly and carefully let Henrik out of her grasp. Angered that her few moments of peace with a man who clearly needed her help was ruined, she fiercely tugged her phone out of her pocket. It was her mother. A stampede of worry suddenly rushed back into her life and it was though it was banging on the front door. She didn't need this right now. "Sorry Henrik, I better take this."

His now guarded eyes already looked heavy with worry again and she could tell from the way his shoulders had tensed that what had just happened between them was racing through his mind. The urge to stay with him, to help clear the confusion that haunted his features was immense but she knew she had to go, and he did too. "Of course off you go." Was all that he said to her, it was as if he was afraid to be his normal, sarcastic and relatively verbose self encase he made a mistake of some sort and lost her, yet again.

With an understanding nod, Sahira immediately turned on her heels and went to leave. As she began to open the door, she was still aware of the ever insistent ringtone but she found for a moment she didn't care, she turned to face the man still standing in the middle of the room. Instantly she knew that all those years ago she had made a mistake, one she had regretted ever since. "Everything will be alright Henrik." She knew that the years of abuse and buried memories could not just be washed away and forgotten with a hug, but if everything wouldn't sort out by itself, she would force it too.

"Hi mum." She answered as soon as she had closed the door to Henrik's office.

"Hello darling." The chipper voice of optimism that was her mother sounded out from the phone. She had been a pillar of strength these past few weeks. Truth be told Sahira would have cracked by now if it weren't for her. "Indy's got a slight rash so I'm just going to put some cream on it, if that's ok?"

Sahira smiled. Her mother was always checking if everything she was doing was ok, like she had forgotten she had once had little children of her own. "Yep, that's ok. I should be back soon anyway."

"Alright honey, I'll have a cup of tea ready as soon as you get in. You sound like you need it. See you soon." Currently, the promise of tea was close to a life savour. With this in mind she said her goodbyes and hung up. People walked past her as she made her way slowly through the corridors, stairwells, and lobby and then into the car park although she never took any note of them. Her head was full of so many mixed emotions; nothing from the outside world could get in.

Trying to keep her mind on the car seemed more difficult than normal, though normality had been missing for quite some time now. Things had been hard for her since her husband had left. The ungrateful sod had run off to France with a pretty, young girl even though he was old enough to be her father. His disappearance had left her coping with two young children while juggling a demanding job. It had not been easy. Her parents immediately offered help, and after struggling with her pride, she had accepted it. It had also been a tough mental battle to appear as everything was normal at work. She wanted no one to know of the fool she had been in marrying that cheating waste of space. Since he had ran off however, every time Henrik came onto the ward it had been near impossible to keep her regret at bay.

As Sahira opened her car door she looked up at the stair well. There on the fifth floor was Henrik, softly smiling down at her in the way he did for no one else. It relieved her to see that she could still make him smile even after she had nearly destroyed him. The smile she gave back was genuine, one of deep fondness for he had always looked after her, even when she hadn't done the same to him.

The car purred into life as she backed out of the parking space and drove away. As she did so, Henrik's face from all those years back haunted her. Nobody had told him that she had got engaged. The first he knew about it was when he noticed the ring on her finger as she picked up some paper work. He had been smiling in the same soft way until she told him, the same could not be said after however. His eyes had looked broken; there was none of the old vitality and glint in them anymore. Henrik did say the obligatory 'congratulations' but his voice had been barely audible with badly disguised sadness. After he had walked away from her, he wasn't seen for another two weeks. Upon his return the transformation in him was shocking to all. He was pale, thin and his face was gaunt. There was none of the witty comebacks and even when he could be bothered to be sarcastic it was always delivered with such remarkable venom that made every F2 quiver in their boots. It was months until a smile was once again seen upon his lips and gradually he started to return to his former self. But Despite this though, some of the glint had gone from his eyes seemingly never to return. The Henrik Hanssen she had known before was not the one she knew now and Sahira knew, deep down that she had destroyed him, the moment that he had found out.

It angered her that she had been so stupid and given up Henrik's love for a man who had never appreciated her and was now hiding somewhere in France with some skinny young bint. Henrik had every right to hate her, but he didn't. Sahira found it annoying that he had forgiven her for she knew she didn't deserve it and instead of blaming her, he blamed himself for being so stupid as to think someone like her could love him. He may try and hide it but she could see it, the self loathing in him that she had caused. Even with all this, Henrik had stood by her for all these years. The memory of the hug the two had just shared came flooding back. There was something there, a possibility, a hope that maybe, just maybe some of his old feelings for her were still there. Sahira shook her head, banishing the thought as a silly idea. How could he love her, after all the things that she had inflicted on him. To her it was a miracle that he could even stand to look at her. As she pulled up outside her home, she pushed all thoughts on the subject to a side and got out. Despite this though, a little bit of her mind still clung onto a desperate hope that she was wrong and that Henrik could still find room in his battered and bruised heart for her.


	7. Chapter 7

He hadn't gone home that night. All he could think of was what had happened between himself and Sahira just before she had left. He been trying to figure out what he would do, should he talk to her? Should he leave it? He didn't even know if anything had happened or, if he had just made it up? He had been sitting there, alone, in his office since he had seen Sahira drive away from the stair well. Henrik was vaguely aware that he had a shift starting in just under half an hour but, try as he might, he just couldn't gather either the physical nor mental strength to get up and begin to at least try and get himself looking semi presentable. He generally couldn't care less about other people's opinions or how they saw him but today, for some reason or another he just felt that he might have another chance with Sahira after last night but, she was too good for him. After all, who would choose _him_ over the young and flirty Mr Douglas? He had seen his countless attempts at flirting with Sahira very nearly every time he went down to Darwin ward. Sometimes she would laugh and chat back but he could see, or at least he thought he could see, a hint of annoyance in her eyes. He always remembered her one day storming into theatre and stating that she thought he was the only man that respected her for who she was as a person and actually looked into her eyes rather than at the rest of her body, this angry outburst was one of many that she had expressed after Greg had been _pestering _her all day.

His thoughts were interrupted by a soft hand on his shoulder. "Are you ok Henrik" Sahira asked him softly, her dark eyes bearing into his. "I thought that I'd just pop by too check… anyway I brought you a sandwich." She said, "I figured that chances are you wouldn't have any time for dinner... or supper… or probably breakfast either." She concluded. There was definitely a hint of worry and indeed frustration in her voice. She frequently told him that he was far too skinny and she had made several attempts at trying to make him eat more despite him being adamant that he was perfectly alright, she worried about him. "It's your lucky day too," she continued, "the canteen said that they would take out the little red devils for you." At this he smiled, fondly. She never seemed to forget anything that he had said to him.

"Thank you Miss Shah." He said, still smiling. He was still slightly confused as to what had happened. To anyone else, a small hug would be nothing but to him; feeling Sahira's sleek body pressed against his was almost too much for him to bear.

She seemingly saw straight into his head and read his mind. She saw that he was so very confused about their embrace the night before, she saw that he was still so raw from all those years of both physical and it seemed, mental abuse, and she was that most off all he desperately needed an answer and, she thought that maybe she saw a hint of love in his eyes. Still though, how on earth could he love her after all she had put him through? "Listen, Henrik, about last night. I want you to know that no-matter what happens or indeed happened I will first and foremost be your friend and I want you to always, always remember that." She decided that she needn't tell him any more of her feelings for him, the last thing he needed right now was her adding to his worries. Satisfied that she had at least half answered his questions, she continued, "I also want to remember that we will be operating on, on your, on Kristian this afternoon, are, are you sure that you are still ok to operate?"

To her surprise, Henrik abruptly got up and stalked over to the window. She knew from past experiences that he was hiding his thoughts from her, again. She slowly walked up to him and tried desperately to work out what was wrong. All he could see were her warm eyes, slowly breaking down his defences. All she could see were his guarded eyes, daring her to pry any further. He had clammed up and, try as she might she couldn't get him to open up to her again. After ten minutes of trying Sahira finally admitted defeat and as she turned to leave, Sahira could swear that she heard a small sob break his lips.

As soon as he heard his heavy office door shut, the tears began to flow and no matter what he did, he just couldn't seem to stop all those memories come flooding back. He knew that Sahira meant well and, to be honest with himself, Henrik knew that no matter what it was she wanted or what she said he could never lie to her. But, truth be told, everything she did or said at the moment brought back more and more memories of his past and more and more confusion as to what the hell was happening and all of those memories were slowly but surely tearing him apart.

The day went on and though neither knew, all Sahira and Henrik could think about, was each other. The relatively short shift just seemed to be dragging on forever and after what seemed like a decade the pair both slowly but surely made their way over to Darwin two for the operation on Kristian Hanssen. Both were incredibly nervous if for different reasons. Sahira, because after this morning's brief meeting she still had no idea if Henrik was still in one of his _I won't tell you and you don't need to know_ moods, after all she knew that if she or anyone else had bothered him in that state then everyone it theatre was in store for one hell of a ride. Henrik however was uncharacteristically nervous because, even though he hadn't heard hide or hare of him for years, Kristian was still family and the last thing he wanted or needed at the current moment in time was having to explain how he had killed his half-brother to what little he had left of a family. This of course combined with the fact he would be operating with Sahira, it was always more difficult to pretend with her especially now she knew.

It wasn't long before they both arrived to scrub up. The silence that occurred was enough to make anyone tense, let alone two people who were already racked with nerves. It was for this reason that Sahira decided to break it, "how was the sandwich?" she asked. At that precise moment in time and for a reason unbeknown to both people, this statement seemed hilarious and so was followed by fits of uncontrollable hysterics that lasted for several minutes before finally coming to a halt. To Sahira, it was so nice to see him relax again. He had been even more pedantic and up tight than usual since the arrival of Kristian and it was slowly tearing both her and him apart. He only seemed to ever relax with her, no one else even got close to seeing the amazing and caring person that he really was. "I love it when you're yourself again Henrik," she said in her slightly delirious state. The second that the sentence left her lips she knew that it had been a mistake. He began to retreat back in to his shell one again, "I didn't mean it in a bad way Henrik, quite the opposite in fact, and I love it when you are yourself again, like before. Don't you remember?" Sahira knew from the look that she received that he did indeed remember everything, everything before things went wrong. She daren't say anymore, even she knew that she'd gone far too far this time. Sahira couldn't bear to leave it and go into theatre with all of those memories hanging over both of them, this was why, for the second time in less than twenty four hours, she let her feelings take over and enfolded him into a tight and loving embrace. Then he pulled her in, if possible even tighter and placed a gentle kiss on her head. The emotions that he felt were so very overwhelming; all he could manage say to her was, "Jag kommer alltid älska dig."


	8. Chapter 8

Sahira felt the kiss on her head. This was different; her heart instead of breaking was melting. His arms around her felt so strong even though on the inside she knew with Henrik that wasn't necessarily the case. Their bodies fitted together like the lost piece in the jigsaw. At that moment in time everything was perfect. She never wanted to let go of him, she wanted to just stop time and let the moment carry on forever. Unfortunately both knew that couldn't happen and Henrik slowly released her from his arms. He was smiling at her softly; he only wished he could tell her, let her know in some way how much that had meant, how much she meant to him.

Outside Jac had seen it all. Her eyes had shot wide, what the hell was going on with those two? Still slightly shocked she entered the scrub room and inwardly smirked at the little jump Sahira gave. Obviously she wasn't expecting her to come in and didn't look too pleased to see her either. "Not interrupting anything am I?"

Sahira wanted so much to say yes; Jac looked so smug and in that moment she would have taken great pleasure in wiping that smirk of the consultant's face. "No, Ms Naylor. We're just waiting for a GS registrar to appear and then we shall go into theatre." Henrik calmly and coolly replied, ever the diplomat. But Jac knew something was up, the way Sahira was looking at Hanssen gave it away.

"Right, when will the registrar get his lazy backside up here?" Jac asked, putting her hands on her slender hips, her ice cold tone making Sahira feel ever so slightly nervous.

"About now," Malick said in his usual cocky manor but slightly affronted as he came through the doors. "Sorry I had an emergency appendectomy." He explained, washing his hands. After everyone had scrubbed in they made their way over to the table were Kristian lay there under anaesthetic. Henrik may have been able to hide his connection with him is most ways though by now most people had worked out something was going on between Kristian and Henrik on account of their last names alone.

"Scalpel."Henrik said, trying to not look at his patients face. This was a difficult operation normally and he certainly didn't need the added distraction of being reminded that this was his half brother. The first incision was made as both teams set to work. It was unusually quiet in theatre. Sahira tried to keep her mind on the task in hand but couldn't stop herself looking at Henrik's face. The concentration on his features was tangible and now Jac and Malick had noticed too and were exchanging rather worried glances. Not all was right.

Suddenly the bleed alert sounded. "Shit!" Henrik swore under his breath. He caught sight of the surprised look on Malick's face from his use of an explicit. "Suction Mr Malick. We need to get on top of this." At the current moment in time neither Sahira nor Jac could concentrate, did Hanssen seriously just swear?

"Diathermy please." He asked the scrub nurse. A visible scowl fell over his face as she passed over the wrong equipment. "When in theatre it is usually good practise to actually listen to what the surgeon says so pay attention please." He snapped. The tension in the theatre rose as Henrik frantically tried to repair the artery. "There we go, clip and tie that Mr Malick."

"Well done." Malick meant it sincerely, Henrik looked genuinely rattled and sweat had beaded on his forehead. As Malick set about finishing off, Henrik removed his hands from the abdomen and looked down at them. For the first time in his medical career he had the shakes. He gulped and went a shade paler. This happened to other surgeons, this didn't happen to him. But there was no denying it, his hands were shaking like a leaf and he had to accept when he had been defeated by himself.

"Are you ok to close up here?" He asked, knowing as soon as the words had escaped his lips that Malick, Jac and Sahira would know something was wrong. Then the whole hospital would hear of it. All the whispering, all the rumours he hated it, he hated it all. Malick just nodded and Henrik immediately left the table. He quickly tore off the gloves and the gown and made a B-line towards the door. Once outside he slumped against a wall, his legs slowly turning to jelly and put his head in his hands.

Back in the theatre, Sahira had watched with horrified eyes as Henrik had dashed out of the room. She turned back to the table, her mind stuck on the man who had just left. That had never happened before; he'd never had to leave a patient because he physically couldn't carry on. She had seen his trembling hands and she'd seen him turn a shade so pale it was closer to white than anything else. Jac had noticed Sahira's drifting mind and she knew where her concentration now was. Sahira could try and pretend nothing was going on, but Jac was no idiot. She knew that something was up with Hanssen and the person he needed the most at this moment was Sahira and she was no use to Jac if she couldn't even concentrate on the task in hand. "Go on." When all she got back was a blank look from Sahira she rolled her eyes, sometime people could be so dense. "Go after him, I can finish here."

Sahira was slightly shocked, was Jac giving her a break? "Are you sure?"

"We've just got FT status, I don't want it jeopardised by our Director of Surgery losing his nerve." She didn't add that actually she was concerned for him, beneath that cold exterior something had happened to warrant that hard layer. She knew that better than most. "Now go, before I change mind!"

Turning and hurrying to leave, Sahira was secretly very thankful to Jac. Maybe she had got Ms Naylor wrong. Bursting out of the theatre doors she looked her left and then to her right. Henrik was still resting against the wall. One hand covered his mouth in shock, the other one was by his side holding his glasses, still trembling. He looked scared and it broke her heart. She walked up to him and stood right in front of him. Softly she took his hands off his mouth and stroked his cheek. Again a familiar confusion shot through his eyes. It made her want to chuckle, did he still not get it? All those years with her husband had been spent trying to deceive herself that this, this intimacy, this compassion, this unconditional love with Henrik wasn't what she wanted. "Oh who was I trying to kid?" She thought out loud. Henrik just looked confused as ever, he just needed to know that this wasn't just him reading things into her actions, he needed to be sure. The confirmation came as Sahira used her hand on his cheek to bring his face to her level and pressed her lips to his.


End file.
